Ring in This Holiday Season...Literally
Hey Rhetors,
The other day, I talked to someone on the phone for two and a half hours straight.
Backstory: one of my good college buddies moved away right after we graduated together. Admittedly, we didn’t talk much that following summer or fall. But one day, as I’m driving for 8 hours to see my folks for Thanksgiving, Evan calls me out of the blue; he was doing the same thing!
Thus a tradition started. Every supercommute, we call each other, filling each other in about what’s going on with mutual friends, our cities, and odd topics. It makes the drive fly by every time, so much so that I don’t limit my talks to just Evan now. When I drive the same route again for Christmas, I’ll probably call six or seven people, some going straight to voicemail, others on a quick five minute chat, and some lasting close to an hour.
Today’s post isn’t really a “how to” post; like the last few. It’s more of an argument for calling people you’ve lost touch with around the holidays. Holiday cards are nice and take real effort, but I’ve become firmly convinced that reaching out to talk is one of the best ways to build your community. Here’s why.
Why Keeping in Touch Is Actually Easier on You
Let’s first start with the obvious; it’s estimated that it takes at least fifty hours to develop a true friendship, and closer to 200 hours to make a “good friendship” according to University of Kansas communications Professor Jeffery A. Hall. This makes sense; Most friendships come from school, work, or shared activities, places where you’re around someone long enough for a relationship to form. If you have fifteen good friends, that means you’ve likely spent close to 3,000 hours talking with them all!
I’m all for expanding your network. Ideally, we should be meeting new people often. But 200 hours to make a new good friend is a serious investment. That’s one hundred dinners, fifty football games, or twenty full-day activities. That’s a lot.
Instead, focus on the people you’ve already invested time in, even if you haven’t talked in a while. A catch-up is much easier than a first meeting. You already know the chapter of life you shared. Now you just trade stories about everything that’s happened since.
Why Talking is Better than Texting or Cards
If you’re at an age where you send holiday cards, you might be saying, “I keep in touch, they see my face and message every year.” Unfortunately, texting, email, and print mail don’t really cover it when it comes to relationship maintenance. When you hear someone’s voice that you know, your oxytocin levels (one of those happiness hormones) shoot up, a reaction that doesn’t happen when you’re reading someone’s text.
Moreso, talking is also the fastest way to connect. As a marketer, this is a tough admission, but from experience, it was far easier to explain this blog to a friend out loud than to write it. Just 5 minutes of speaking is about 650 words. Want to take a guess at how many words this blog is?
And if you’re still holding back because you’re nervous, other research from the 2021 publication of Journal of Experimental Psychology: General found that nearly everyone overestimates how bad a phone call will go before it happens.
Some Tips for Cold-Calling Friends
If you’re warming up to the idea, great. I don’t want you to have a bad experience, so here are a few pointer, learnt from my own experience:
1. Don’t invite yourself into their day
You might be interrupting something. Start with a simple check-in like, “Is this a bad time?” or “I wanted to see how you’re doing, are you busy?” If it’s not a good moment, let them know they can call you back later if they want.
2. Balance the information sharing
There’s a golden mean to every conversation. In a catch-up, make sure you don’t overshare how great or terrible your life is, and at the same time, don’t ask 100 questions like you’re an interrogator for the local police department. Happy mediums!
3. Say thank you
Time is valuable. When someone takes your call, they’re giving you some of theirs. Before you hang up, let them know you appreciate them for that!
This Week: Call Someone
As the holidays approach, I’ll be back on the road and back on the phone with people like Evan. If I have your number and don’t call you, feel free to call me. If I miss it, I’ll get back to you.
And if you’ve made it this far, you have an assignment. Call someone before the next newsletter goes out. I promise you’ll feel better afterward.
Talk soon,
Tim
Curation Corner
If this is your first TWR post, here’s the skinny. Every week, I put together the following, so you can explore communication related and adjacent works by people much more creative and skilled than me! Take a look at this week’s below:
Quote of the Week: “The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.” – N.D. Kalu: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/56602-the-things-you-do-for-yourself-are-gone-when-you
Video of the Week: “Your Year Wrapped” by SNL. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hx7Vv5pqpHg
Podcast of the Week: “Soundtracks of our lives” by TED Radio Hour. A great listen for anyone interested in how what we listen to affects our emotions: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1b39ti0EmjOfWCdnOXmeJo?si=b9fd5837a71e41c8
Book of the Week: Talk Like TED by Carmine Gallo. A great read for anyone preparing for their next speech (can you al;so tell I like TED talks a lot?: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17910144-talk-like-ted